We love you, and we want you to contribute to humanity via creating Nigerian pop songs. That’s why we are levelling the playing field by leaking the secrets below.
We all love a good hit song. From the banging familiar beats, to the senseless crooning by the artiste, hit songs make life beautiful. On the radio it is lovely, in clubs, they make us go insane, when we are alone, it keeps the depression away, and when with loved ones, it’s dance time.
Simply put, they make the wait between now and our deaths more fun. Just imagine a world without Patoranking’s ‘My woman my everything’. Or Don Jazzy and his string of hits? How would we survive, run free and be happy? How would we have enjoyed oxygen if not for Kiss Daniel?
Never. We would all have been sad, depressed people, without enthusiasm for life. We would be zombies, condemned to roam the earth with no iota of happiness and joy.
The creation of hit songs have been explained by many to be the product of luck and chance. Industry experts (of which I am a part of) will come up with generic things like, ‘get a good producer’, and you will have a hit song.
But they all lied. We all lied. Making a hit song is simple, and it follows one formula. Many will try to keep you from it, but not we at Pulse. We love you, and we want you to contribute to humanity via creating Nigerian pop songs. That’s why we are levelling the playing field by leaking the secrets below.
May the creative force be with you.
Getting your head right
Before you set out to make a hit song, you ought to get your head right. I know you are a conceptual musician, with a prefabricated set of rules about how to make music. But that will not do. You don’t need ideals to get this hit song. Ideals hold you back, and define your sound. Let go of them. Forget about the need to be artistic. Who artistry don epp? You have to eliminate all your long-held lofty beliefs, and work from a position of desperation. You are desperate, hungry and in need of second life. Don’t overthink it. Just be ready.
Pop music is dumb music. Check Nigeria, and everyother country. Pop music is dumb enough to reflect the average level of education and reasoning in every country. The level of intelligence of pop music is directly proportional to the collective IQ of a country. In Nigeria, the average man isn’t an Einstein, so we have songs that aren’t crafted for Einstein. To make a hit song, you have to think like a dumb man. You have to sound stupid. Stupidly creative. That’s why Tekno brought down trees with the killer line, “Your beauty makes me to realize, Say Nepa don’t bring light.” How stupid, lovable and creative. That line is worthy of pop awards.
Get a producer with high-tempo beats
Anything below 160 BPM is bad for a hit song. Although the tempo of our hit songs have fallen between the ranges of 115 BPM and 120 BPM, the fast ways are still the best. Get yourself a producer who understands the art of fast-paced beats. Get familiar, pay for the production and get to work. Get to work. Make sure it bangs, and hits all the right spots on the bass speakers. Amp it, and get it threatening to contribute to global noise pollution. It’s a hit song, goddamnit! Let it hit everyone hard.
The Recording Process
Remember when I instructed you to become dumb? You will need that lack of intelligence now. Choose the dumbest catch phrase you can find, and freestyle your song around it. Here are some example ‘Sweet panya’, ‘Baby caricature’, ‘Wahala tumbo’, ‘Waist five people’. If you can’t create a dumb catchphrase, let not your heart be troubled. Use popular vernacular phrases and words. ‘Aka gum’ ‘Jagaban’, Ónijogbon’, ‘Ukwu salambala’, and any other. Freestyle anything and everything around them, lace them on to the beat and like magic, your hit song will rise out of that miasma of loud beats, stupidity and disrespect for the art.
Promote that rubbish
You have created a beautiful nonsense, and melodious crap. Now it’s time to get the world to listen and like it. Spend money on promotion, distribute the song via the internet, find every channels and mode of dissemination that functions, and plug in your song. You have sacrificed a lot for this song. Let it fly.
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